you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
