We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
