is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
