Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize