I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
