You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
