In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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