it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
