Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
