beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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