Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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