Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
