every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
