Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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