Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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