you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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