i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
