we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
