whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
