No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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