I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
