new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
