perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
