Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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