she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
