look no pants
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
