SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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