pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize