I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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