Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
