I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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