what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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