the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
