I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
