my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
