you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
