I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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