Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
