and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
