I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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