Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize