I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize