and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
