those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
