The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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