Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
