Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He called his prostate his "boner button".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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