so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
