Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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