my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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