Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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