i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
