drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
