I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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