I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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