Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
