I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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