I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
