I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
