Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
