Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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