Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
