Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
