and my herpes radar will keep us safe
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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