i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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